Ever wondered how to feel free in a world constantly pushing you to conform? I'm not talking about superficial freedoms, but the soul-expanding liberation that comes from living authentically.
The most powerful path to freedom isn't about having more choices or fewer responsibilities. It begins with something both simple and challenging: telling the truth.
I want to shine a light on all the ways we lie to ourselves and others without realizing it, and how these deceptions—even "white lies"—keep us caged.
One of the most detrimental ways we hold ourselves back is by not telling the truth!
Living your truth takes courage, but pretending steals your freedom. You waste enormous energy trying to fit in and keep up appearances, creating a prison of your own making.
Breaking free starts with honesty—first with yourself, then with others.
In this post, I'll share how telling the truth has allowed me to feel free in ways I never thought possible, with practical steps to identify your own patterns of deception and break free from them.
Because the cage you feel isn't built by circumstances—it's built by lies. And you've been holding the key all along.
The Chains We Forge: Recognizing Our Self-Created Prisons
How to Feel Free: First Recognize the Invisible Cage You've Built
Ever wonder how you got here? Feeling trapped. Suffocated. Like there's an invisible weight pressing down on you that you can't quite name or see. How can you feel this way when there are no actual bars holding you in? No physical chains. No locked doors.
What's really going on?
This might sound harsh, but I offer it with so much compassion: YOU are the architect of your own prison. You've been laying brick after brick, often without realizing it.
Learning how to feel free starts with recognizing that these barriers are your creation – built from self-censorship, social conformity, and the fear of standing out. These invisible walls limit not just what you do, but who you allow yourself to be.
Conforming to Society's Expectations: The First Freedom Thief
Society loves people who color inside the lines. You learned this early, didn't you? Maybe when your teacher praised you for sitting quietly while "troublemakers" got punished. Or when family members called you "good" because you followed the rules.
Here's what's really going down: Your brain's number one job is keeping you alive. And historically, being cast out from the tribe meant death. So you learned to play it safe. To conform.
This pressure shows up everywhere:
- Following prescribed career paths (hello, soul-crushing office job)
- Living by others' timelines ("When are you getting married/having kids/buying a house?")
- Making "safe" choices (instead of ones that make your heart race)
- Wearing the "right" clothes (even when they feel wrong)
See what's happening? Your authentic desires – the wild, beautiful, unique parts of you – get buried under this mountain of expectations. You stick with what's "sensible" rather than what lights you up.
At first, you only hide your truth from others. But then something more insidious happens – you start hiding it from yourself. You stop listening to that inner voice because you've learned it's not "safe" to hear it. It threatens your belonging. Your survival.
So you swallow your words in meetings when you have brilliant ideas. You nod along with opinions you disagree with. You say "I'm fine" when you're actually falling apart inside.
And you call this self-censorship a virtue. That you're being "mature" or "considerate." That it's kindness to tell people what they want to hear.
But how can you feel free when you're constantly policing your own thoughts and expressions? When you're living someone else's version of your life?
It's time to recognize these patterns for what they are – the first major roadblock on your journey to true freedom.
More Ways We Cage Ourselves: The Truth About Our Lies
Let's dig deeper into this mess we've created. Because how to feel free isn't just about recognizing one pattern—it's about seeing the whole web we've spun around ourselves.
Sometimes you know you're lying or holding back. Other times? You're completely blind to it. When you've spent decades trying to fit in, your brain builds protective barriers around your truth because truth feels dangerous.
But this isn't reality – it's just your survival instinct running an outdated program.
At the end of the day, most of our lies fall into three buckets: self-protection, comfort-seeking, or shame-hiding. Let's break this down.
Self-protection is obvious, right? If telling the truth might get you fired, dumped, or punched in the face, you might choose a lie. Your brain thinks it's helping you.
But what about those limiting beliefs you tell yourself? "I can't do this." "I'm not smart enough." "People like me don't succeed at things like that." These are also lies—protective ones. Your brain is trying to keep you from wasting energy or facing rejection. It's not trying to help you live a fulfilling life—it's just trying to keep you alive with minimal effort.
Then there's comfort-seeking. And oh how we love staying comfortable!
We pretend we have answers because uncertainty feels terrifying. We say "I'm fine" because feeling sad or angry is uncomfortable.
We lie because we're afraid of what the truth might require us to do. Leave that relationship? Quit that job? Move across the country? That sounds hard and messy and scary. So we lie and stay stuck instead.
And let's talk about shame. Those secrets you're "taking to the grave"? The ones that make your stomach drop when you think about anyone finding out? That's shame having a stranglehold on your identity.
You're convinced that if people knew these things, they wouldn't love you anymore. They'd see the "real" you and run for the hills. So you keep these parts locked away, creating a fragmented self that never feels whole.
Each time you choose silence over truth, you add another brick to your prison wall. Your authentic self gets buried deeper behind layers of "should" and "must" and "what will people think?"
And in this prison of your own making, how could you possibly feel free?
But recognizing these patterns is your first step to breaking them. Seeing the cage begins your escape.
The truth—real, raw, and unfiltered—is your key. Learning how to feel free means learning to use that key, even when your hands are shaking.
How Telling the Truth Sets You Free: The Path Out of Your Self-Made Prison
So what happens after the world slowly shuts down your truth? After you've spent years—maybe decades—lying to yourself and swallowing other people's lies? What happens when you finally wake up and start to remember who you really are?
Magic happens. Freedom happens.
And the mind-blowing realization is that YOU created these bars by withholding your truth, which means YOU have the power to take them down.
Is it comfortable? Not likely. Will it be easy? Also no. Our brains are wired to seek comfort and avoid pain. But ask yourself this: What's the price of that comfort? Only your freedom. Only your authentic life. Only your joy.
So the real question becomes: Do you want to feel free or comfortable? Because you rarely get both, especially when you’re just starting out.
It frustrates me how truth has gotten such a bad reputation. How did we reach a place where lying is considered virtuous and telling the truth is seen as dangerous? That's some backward-ass thinking that only serves your ego's survival instincts—not your whole, true self.
Telling the truth isn't inherently confrontational or explosive. Will uncomfortable things sometimes happen? Sure. But staying trapped in lies creates a different discomfort—the soul-crushing kind that follows you everywhere.
When you lie, you're constantly managing narratives, remembering what you told to whom, and manipulating circumstances to maintain your false reality. It's exhausting. It's draining. And it keeps everyone—including you—trapped in a fake version of life.
We all lie sometimes. This isn't about being "good" or "bad." It's about your ability to feel alive and free. When you lie, you're blocking your own path to freedom.
So instead of asking "Is lying wrong?" ask "Do I want to feel free or remain caged?"
Now, I'm not suggesting you blurt every thought without consideration. That's not authentic—it's just rude. You can be truthful while honoring your values. Use "I feel" statements. Express your truth without attacking others. Set healthy boundaries around your self-expression.
Not everyone needs to hear everything, but don't silence yourself just to make others comfortable. If someone says something offensive, offer your perspective. You don't need to change their mind, but don't let harmful statements hang in the air unchallenged.
Lies also build invisible barriers between you and your dreams. Ever wonder why some "successful" people who have everything still feel empty inside? Because external achievements without internal truth is just a fancy prison cell.
The dream isn't really the car or the house or the job title—it's the feeling you think those things will bring. But that feeling of freedom and happiness comes from alignment, from integrity, from telling yourself the truth even when it's inconvenient.
And here's the beautiful part: the more you practice telling the truth, the easier it gets. It's like a muscle that strengthens with use.
When you stop lying and start living in integrity, things begin to flow. Manifesting becomes less of a struggle because you've cleared out the crud blocking your connection to your inner wisdom. It removes blockages in your mind, energy, relationships, physical health—in every aspect of your being.
The truth doesn't just set you free metaphorically. It literally creates the conditions for freedom to exist in your life.
My Story: Finding Freedom Through Radical Honesty
Here's my personal story of how telling the truth taught me how to feel free.
I always thought of myself as honest. If I said I'd show up somewhere, I showed up. If I committed to something, I did it. This felt natural to me, partly because I'd experienced broken promises and knew how painful they were. I never wanted to inflict that on others.
But while patting myself on the back for this basic-level honesty, I completely missed all the other ways I was lying every single day.
For me, the urge to start telling the deeper truth was like pressure building inside a container. At first, it was easy to ignore that little voice inside saying things weren't right in favor of belonging. Of surviving.
But the more I silenced that voice, the louder my body screamed. It showed up as restlessness that wouldn't quit. Anxiety that gripped my chest. A helplessness that made me feel imprisoned in my own life. Fighting against it only made things worse.
When I finally embraced honesty, the lies exposed themselves. They unwound layer by layer, like peeling an onion that made me cry with each revelation. The more I committed to freedom over comfort, the more uncomfortable things surfaced for me to face and heal.
I grew up constantly being told what was right and wrong, what to believe, how to act, and even how to feel. This created profound confusion because what I was told didn't match how I felt inside. As a kid, I didn't have the perspective to realize that what I was being told might be wrong. Instead, I thought I was the problem.
So I shut down. I questioned my internal guidance. I learned I couldn't trust my instincts because they kept getting me in trouble. My curiosity, my questions, and ability to see connections would at times make the people around me uncomfortable, so I kept those parts hidden.
I see clearly now how I was lied to, and how I then lied to myself and others as a survival mechanism. This absolutely kept me caged. I tried escaping through substances and other temporary fixes, but those just created smaller cages within the big one.
Learning how to feel free required brutal honesty with myself. Honest about all the times I overrode my gut feelings. All the times I chose others' truths over my own. Honest about why I made those choices and what I ACTUALLY wanted. And then—this was hardest part—taking that truth and sharing it with others, even when it meant potential rejection.
Now, I actively embrace discomfort because I know freedom waits on the other side. I feel so much lighter. More confident. My capacity to love, give, and receive has expanded beyond what I thought possible—all from simply telling the truth instead of dismissing what I know to be true for me.
When something scares me now, I do it anyway. Because I'm determined not to let lies—especially my own—control me anymore. I control my life. I control my freedom.
How to Stop Lying: Practical Steps to Feel Free
So if you've seen some truth in what I've shared, or maybe recognized ways you're lying in your own life, you might be wondering: where do I even start with all of this?
Realigning with Your Core Values
Begin here. If you want to stop lying to yourself, you need to know what actually matters to you. When you get clear on your values, the lies that stand between you and your truth will begin to reveal themselves.
Sometimes you need something meaningful to move toward for your body to expose the lies. Otherwise, they stay comfortably buried outside your awareness. When you realign with what truly matters, you give yourself a reason to challenge these lies.
Think about it: if you don't know what you want, you can't work to get it. And you have no real motivation to stop lying if you haven't defined what you're after.
When you hide parts of yourself, you drift from your values and lose touch with who you are. So let's remember what these things are.
Take a moment to think about what lights you up inside. What makes you feel alive? Those feelings point to your true values.
Ask yourself:
- What do I really want?
- What would I do if I wasn't afraid of judgment?
- When do I feel most like myself?
Pay attention to times you say "yes" when you want to say "no." That disconnect shows where you're not honoring your values.
And since you're reading this post, I'm guessing feeling free is important to you. So what does freedom mean to you specifically? What do you want to be free to do?
Quick exercise: Make two lists:
- Things you do because you think you should
- Things you do because you truly want to
You could also reflect on your dreams. Pick one area of your life and write out where you want to be in a year.
Be aware that lies may operate even as you try to define what you want. Many of us hide our biggest dreams because we're scared we won't achieve them. Deal with those fears! Stop withholding these truths from yourself.
Hiding your dreams is a form of lying. Perhaps the whole point of existence is to chase those aspirations. Pursuing what truly calls to you—and developing self-belief along the way—is the very process that teaches authenticity and gives your journey purpose.
So start with your dreams! Then as you move toward them, continuously choose freedom over lying, through all the uncomfortable moments that arise.
Make the Lie List
Now that you've identified your dreams and values, the lies will start surfacing. This is actually awesome because once we see them, we can choose to let them go.
It’s time to make the unconscious conscious. Most of us don't even know what our inner dialogue is saying—which is the source of all the lies. You need to know what it's saying, where it comes from, and why.
Write out your dream or values, then what's stopping you from living them. Where are you not in alignment with your values, and why? What do you think stands between you and fulfilling your dream?
Here's the crazy part: most of what you just wrote down is a LIE. I know you might want to argue with me. I get that these obstacles feel very real. But they're mostly excuses and justifications—ways you talk yourself out of your dreams.
You could also make a general lie list. As you've read this post, write down what resonated with you. Did you spot areas where you're lying that you weren't aware of before? How do you exaggerate? What are you pretending to be happy about? What parts of your life are you withholding from others?
Anytime you don't have what you want or aren't showing up how you want to be, do this! List all the reasons your head gives for why it can't happen. This is your lie list.
Why are these lies? Because the values and dreams you identified ARE what's actually true, so those other things can't be. Your dreams and values are worth pursuing because they reflect your true self.
Just making your lies conscious helps you see that you're creating these barriers. Now you can question them and decide what to do with them.
Breaking Free from Mental Shackles
Your mind has built invisible walls that keep you trapped. These walls come from beliefs you've picked up, self-criticism, and pressure from others to fit in.
Cleaning up your lie list is about telling the truth and sorting out what's actually YOUR truth. It's time to question the lies and take it deeper.
Take a piece of paper and write down three things you think you can't do.
Look at each belief and ask:
- "Is this really true?"
- "Who told me this?"
- "What proof do I have?"
You'll often find these beliefs came from someone else's fear or judgment and don't even actually belong to you.
Start asking "why?" about everything you do. Don't just accept what others tell you is right or normal.
Key questions to ask:
- Who made this rule?
- Does this align with my values?
- What would I do if nobody was watching?
When you question things, you often find many social norms don't make sense for your life. Trust your gut feeling.
With each lie you're believing, ask: where has believing this gotten you? How would letting it go change things?
As you start to recognize and question your lies, you slowly climb out of your self-made cage. You begin to hear the things you're saying, and instead of blindly believing you can't tell the truth, you see that you actually can.
Sometimes we don't want to tell something because we feel shame. We feel shame because we're identified with it—we believe it's who we ARE. But what we did is NOT who we are.
It's also helpful to get support when challenging your lies. Feel into your body for what feels true. If that's difficult, try using a pendulum, journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or even calling in universal energy through practices like Reiki.
Actionable Steps to Unleash Your Freedom
1. Create Your Action Plan
Now that you've identified your values and dreams and challenged your lies, you need to take action. Make an action list! Ask yourself: If I wasn't believing these lies and really wanted that dream, what would I need to do?
Then actually DO these things. When the lies resurface (and they will), replace them with kinder thoughts that are still true and believable. Instead of "I'm bad at this," try "I'm learning and getting better."
2. Set Daily Intentions
Start your morning by asking: "What matters most to me today?" Let that guide your choices.
Keep a journal as you work toward learning how to feel free. Note the times when you chose truth over comfort and how you felt afterward.
Trust your gut when something feels off. That inner voice knows when you're out of alignment.
3. Reclaim Your Story
Your life story belongs to YOU. Stop letting others write your script or tell you who you should be. I did that for WAY too long in my own life and it does NOT have to be that way!
Communicate honestly and openly. Be uniquely you and own who you are. If you have things you're self-conscious of or that make you feel different, let people know so they can choose the real you or not.
Remember: when you're not honest about who you are, you'll never know how people truly feel about the real you. Relationships built on lies can only go so deep.
The right people will love you for who you are. Those who walk away weren't meant to stay.
That fear of people not liking the real you is normal. But living behind a mask is exhausting and lonely. So stop trying to fit in.
Take small steps toward living more authentically each day:
- Speak up when you disagree
- Say no to things that don't align with your values
- Follow your unusual interests
- Tell someone how you really feel
- Stop using social graces to lie ("I'm fine" when you're not)
Do the things that scare you! Each tiny win proves those limiting beliefs wrong.
4. Make Room for New Growth
Clear out relationships and commitments that force you to hide your true self. This isn't about burning bridges - it's about creating space for authenticity.
Look at next week's calendar. Put a star next to activities that let you be fully yourself. Circle ones where you feel fake.
Take a good look at your social media feeds and friend group. Do they lift you up? Always consider adding more people or groups that do. And if they drag down, it's okay to unfollow or distance yourself from people.
5. Cultivate Supportive Relationships
Surround yourself with people who accept and celebrate your true self.
Find people who inspire you to be more yourself, not less. Join groups where people share your interests and values.
Make the first move. Share your thoughts openly when you meet new people. The right ones will light up at your honesty and respond with their own truth.
Share your own growth journey. Your courage to change inspires others to examine their lives and make braver choices.
6. Live in Personal Integrity
Start by simply stopping saying you'll do things you won't do.
Being honest with yourself creates space to be honest with others. Real freedom comes from matching your actions to your values.
Don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong.
Own your decisions. If you decide it's more important to commit to a certain situation than to pursue your dreams for example, acknowledge that you're actively choosing to stay where you are. This means the situation – no matter how challenging - is not changing and you'll have to be at peace with that.
In all of this, remember that setbacks are normal. When you slip into old patterns, just notice it and try again tomorrow. This isn't about perfection—it's about progress.
Changing the Way You Look at Difficult Conversations
We can't talk about telling the truth without touching on difficult conversations. This fear of conflict and discomfort is precisely what's damaging our relationships, workplaces, and society at large. Learning to navigate these conversations is essential to knowing how to feel free.
First, you need to get clear on how you're really feeling so you can come from a place of truth and resolution—not blame or seeking justice. You need to enter any difficult conversation open to listening. Remember, a conversation is a two-way street.
Start by writing down everything you're upset about. Then sit with it and determine what this is really about. Often, we're acting from old wounds, and we need to pinpoint what that wound is so we can approach the conversation with clarity.
If you're feeling hurt, think about the earliest time you felt that way. Take a minute to comfort that younger self as you needed back then. Remind them what's actually true now.
Then return to the present situation and imagine what might happen if you spoke your truth. This is where all your fears will surface. You can also visit the parts of you when you first remember having these fears and again remind them of what is true now.
Be clear about your intention for the conversation. Tell the other person. Sometimes when we've held onto lies for so long, it's hard to know how to finally share them. Stating your intention creates a helpful framework.
When we hide truths in relationships, it creates barriers. It also reveals how you don't feel safe there. Maybe you want to share because you've noticed you don't feel safe enough to be honest, and you want to change that. Tell them that. This vulnerability can deepen your intimacy.
The key is getting clear beforehand on what you want to say and why.
When you're honest with others, it invites them to be honest too. It also silences those stories in your head about what will happen if you tell the truth. Now you don't have to imagine—you'll actually know.
Yes, the truth will set you free, but that doesn't mean your fears won't be realized. The person might react exactly as you feared. But even then, you get to move forward instead of remaining stuck because you weren't honest.
Conversations, disagreements, and uncomfortable moments are OPPORTUNITIES for deeper connection. Remember that and let it carry you through the discomfort.
Here’s the truth: When you're not honest with people, they may not pinpoint what you're hiding, but they sense your inauthenticity. There's an energy to dishonesty. Some people are more sensitive to it, but on some level, people feel your barriers. So these lies aren't just secrets affecting only you—they're affecting all your relationships, often in ways neither of you can fully articulate.
Difficult conversations aren't obstacles to freedom—they're doorways. Each time you choose truth over comfort, you're dismantling another bar of your cage. Each time you express authentic feelings instead of what others want to hear, you're strengthening your freedom muscle.
Exercise: Imagine that People Could See When You’re Lying
The reality that people can sense your energy reminds me of a story a friend recently told me about her son.
When her husband was a child, he could see auras. He would avoid "red" people because it meant they were angry. Even when they claimed otherwise, he knew they were lying.
Now their son has started describing similar experiences. During a recent conversation, she asked him about the best part of a gathering they'd attended. His response was: "Do you remember when everybody was purple?"
Not seeing these colors herself, she asked him to remind her what they were doing at that moment. He described a time when everyone was fully present, playing together. She simply acknowledged that yes, it was wonderful. But internally, it made her think—if he can see my aura, I need to be more mindful of how I'm showing up with him.
This perspective could help all of us. It can expose the lies we tell ourselves and others.
Try this exercise:
When you're with other people or even alone, imagine that everything you're feeling and everything you are is visible to everyone. What comes up for you? Any feelings of shame or discomfort?
If people could truly see you—all of you—would you be afraid? Uncomfortable? Or would you be okay with it? If not, which parts would you hide, and why? These are precisely the things keeping you imprisoned.
Try to move through your day pretending that people can see whether or not you're being honest. This holds you accountable and helps keep you truthful. If you're hiding emotions, this exercise reminds you to address them so you can come from a clear space without dragging others into your emotional undertow.
This practice creates a kind of internal integrity check. Instead of asking, "Can I get away with this lie?" you start asking, "What if everyone could see right through me?" It shifts your focus from external consequences to internal alignment.
The parts of yourself you're most afraid of others seeing are usually the parts most in need of your own acceptance. When you pretend these aspects are visible, you're forced to reckon with them rather than hide them away.
The more you practice being comfortable with imaginary transparency, the less you'll fear actual transparency. You'll start naturally aligning your outer expression with your inner reality. The gap between who you are and who you present yourself to be will narrow until it practically disappears.
That's when you'll experience a new level of freedom—the freedom that comes from having nothing to hide, not because you've fixed all your flaws or eliminated all your difficult emotions, but because you've stopped believing they need to be hidden in the first place.
Final Tips for Everyday Truth Telling
As we wrap up, I want to share some final wisdom about living in truth. What I've discovered through my own experience is profound yet simple: truth cannot exist without the presence of love.
Truth acts like a hermit crab—quickly disappearing into its shell when threatened by judgment. Your inner truth craves recognition. Create conditions of space, love, and compassion, and truth will venture out willingly. No matter what you're keeping hidden, you deserve that gentle atmosphere. The amazing thing is that YOU are the source of this love! Tap into and remember that loving presence within yourself first.
When you start telling your truth, expect pushback. Some people will try forcing you back into the box they're comfortable with. That's normal—they fear change. Their reactions reflect their fears, not your worth.
Stay strong by:
- Connecting with other free spirits
- Writing down why authenticity matters to you
- Noticing how much better you feel when you're real
- Celebrating small wins
Learning how to feel free through truth-telling doesn't require a dramatic transformation. Start by simply noticing your lies and how holding them affects you. Recognize that it's your choice to hold them—you're not a prisoner. Nobody stops you from letting them go but yourself.
Don't make this journey a huge deal. Just work through your reasons for holding onto lies, and watch yourself become lighter in the process.
Create boundaries that protect your freedom. Say "no" to what doesn't align with your values. Trust your gut.
When you live authentically, you inspire others. Your courage shows them it's possible to break free too. Your freedom creates space for theirs.
You deserve to be fully yourself. No exceptions, no apologies.
As you move forward from here, carrying these ideas with you, I hope you'll remember that every time you choose truth over comfort, every time you honor your values instead of hiding them, you're dismantling another bar of your cage. Freedom isn't found by escaping life's challenges—it's found by moving through them with honesty and integrity.
The journey to freedom begins with a single truth—perhaps a small one. But that truth leads to another until one day you realize the cage that once held you has disappeared. Not because someone else freed you, but because you freed yourself, one honest moment at a time.
